Exactly one year ago today, I was playing my last gig in NYC. Well, my last 2, to be exact. It was a busy day for what was looking out to be a busy year indeed. I had exciting engagements booked all across North America as well as some in Europe and my calendar was filling up pretty quickly with local performances. I had just released an album for a beautiful show I was incredibly proud of and the phone calls were coming in. In summary: it was going to be a good year.

In retrospect, I’ve heard many similar stories from numerous musicians and artists it even feels strange to single it out and speak from my own perspective. It seems like the heavens were on their way to opening up for so many in the artistic community, only to let out a deadly deluge and leave it to us to either drown or survive. At least, I’ve been healthy, and I’m beyond thankful for that.

How has it been? Some people ask me. How have you been occupying your time? How have you been? To tell you the truth: it’s been a mess. A big splash paint of beautifully challenging, heart-wrenching & eye-opening mess! I’ve gone from being the busiest gal in town to losing everything in less than 2 weeks. But nevertheless, there is still beauty through it all, come to find out.

When the USA went into lockdown, Elias & I fled to a cozy cabin in the woods, thinking we’d let NYC come back to the surface and ride the wave back after a couple of weeks… Well my friends, we will now have been calling this cabin our home for a year on March 20th.

And a lot has happened since. I mean, the world is suffering an incomparable amount of loss right now and it isn’t over yet. We’re still collectively grieving, pondering and wondering what will come next. After I witnessed ALL my work being canceled, my apartment slipping through my fingers (due to my non-ability to keep paying NYC’s high rent on no assistance nor work) and the world tumbling into that very dark spiral, I decided to go outside, smell the flowers and embark on a journey within. Small steps, but challenging nonetheless.

During the last year, I’ve worked my hardest at healing some deep wounds, while practicing self-care and appreciating the people around me. I’ve forced myself to focus on what I DO have and stop comparing myself or want what the others have. It’s not always been easy, but I’ve tried my best at staying the course. Through the process, I’ve fostered a new relationship with music and I’ve even tried my pen at songwriting! That part remains “to be continued”… ;) I should say I went through the whole spectrum of emotions a few times and back but you see, I’m not a defeatist. So I found a way somehow to make it all work. Sometimes, that meant shutting down social media for a few days, weeks or even months. Sometimes that meant sending cards with heartfelt messages to my family I’ve dearly missed through all this. Sometimes that meant to heat up some popcorn and watch a corny movie, or drink an entire bottle of wine while cursing the gods above! All I know is that “one day at a time” has been, and continues to be a strong motto.

It’s definitely been a year of going inward and I’ll say the journey isn’t over yet. I’ve turned 35 and this year alone, I’ve come to know, understand and accept more things about myself than I ever thought possible. I am lucky to have someone who I enjoy discovering, getting to know deeper and appreciating more each day. This year has also brought its challenges upon us but it has definitely made us stronger. All in all, I cannot say I’m on the other side yet because things would probably be different if we could predict the future, but I’m hopeful. I have secured 2 remote jobs and I’m well-surrounded. I don’t know what lays ahead and it’s ok. Spring is coming and I hope to have many more opportunities to smell the flowers this year also!

What about you, my friend, how have you been?

1-year lockdown anniversary

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